One of the things I hate about New Year’s Resolutions is they seem to be about taking away something rather than giving yourself something. I suppose one could argue if you lose weight with more exercise and eating more nutritiously you are giving yourself a longer, healthier life. But when our brains think of resolutions as punishment rather than pleasure, it’s hard to maintain them.
For caregivers, resolutions are even harder since you are typically juggling many of life’s balls — children, career, caregiving — and most often, the ball getting dropped is the one that says “self-care.” Adding one more thing to your To Do List in 2013 is enough to make you cry (or scream, or throw something or grab that pint of mint-chocolate-chip ice cream that makes you feel better, until you step on the scale).
But, there is hope.
Here is my solution for caregivers to those daunting New Year’s Resolutions. Let’s re-wire our brains to think “what am I giving myself” instead of “what am I not going to give myself.” This year, you are going to give yourself a gift — that’s right — no cutting back, no cutting out and no cutting corners. If you follow these steps, you will not only improve your physical health but your mental health and that is a resolution worth celebrating.
The Me Time Monday℠ Reality Show (52 Episodes)
When you become a caregiver, you often feel like you entered one of today’s popular reality TV programs — it is like Survivor and The Amazing Race all at once. Instead of frantically looking for clues, or worrying about what the tribe will say, let’s call your 2013 reality show Me Time Monday; there are 52 episodes (one each Monday).
What Is Me Time?
Me time is the essence of self-care, which is the balance you need when you are caregiving. First of all, you need to make a list of all the things you love to do that are just for
you. These are probably things you have abandoned or at least don’t get to as frequently if you are caregiving. It helps to think about things you loved to do as a kid (bike riding, hopscotch), or activities you enjoyed when you had no pressing responsibilities (such as kids, a job, a husband or a loved one to care for). Me Time is how you define it. Your Me Time may be gardening, reading a good book or magazine, painting or sculpting, getting a mani/pedi, going for a scenic drive, or perhaps it is hula hooping like First Lady Michelle Obama. Make sure you only list things you love that are just for you — if you wrote down exercise but it’s something you feel you have to do rather than love to do, it’s NOT Me Time.
Why Monday?
Monday is part of our cultural DNA. It is the start of the work week, the school week and we feel renewed energy to start something after a nice weekend break. The Monday Campaigns was founded in 2005 in association with Columbia University, Johns Hopkins University and Syracuse
University in order to apply marketing best practices to public health challenges. According to the research, The Monday Campaigns show a projected 74 percent of American adults older than age 25 believe giving healthy intentions a Monday start will make them more lasting throughout the week. Part of the Monday Campaigns is Caregiver Monday, a specific campaign targeted to helping the nation’s caregivers take care of themselves.
“Day in and day out, millions of caregivers give so much of themselves caring for their loved ones that they often neglect their own health and well-being,” says Sid Lerner, founder and chairman of The Monday Campaigns. “Caregiver Monday encourages them to use that first day of each hectic week as their recharge day, to refocus on their own condition to better serve their dependent parent, child or spouse.”
How to ‘Make It Work’
The famous saying by Tim Gunn on the Project Runway reality show works for your Me Time Monday as well. Think about the following:
- Write it down. Put your Me Time Monday activity on sticky notes. Post these notes on your refrigerator, your bathroom mirror, in your wallet, on your smartphone, on your car dashboard — anywhere you will see the words every day. These are love notes to yourself.
- Take baby steps. If your Me Time is taking a 30-minute walk to enjoy nature and outdoors (a great stress reliever), start with buying new walking shoes on your first Monday (it’s all about the shopping for me). The following week it may be getting just a few minutes to walk around the block — you don’t have to achieve 30 minutes on Week 1 — just get started. Once you get in the groove you will find you plan your Me Time because of the comfort it brings you. If you miss a week – don’t beat yourself up. Evaluate what derailed you and see if you can eliminate the obstacle the next week. What’s great about Me Time Monday — you have 52 chances to stay on track! And you don’t have to do your activity on Monday — just use Monday as your “check in” point for the week to figure out what you are going to do and how to find that time.
- Track your progress. Put a little heart on your weekly calendar when you do your Me Time or tell a friend who can be your cheerleader about your plan and let them applaud your weekly progress (and help give you a caregiving break so you can get your Me Time – see the Alzheimer’s Care Team Calendar as a great way caregivers can get help to get a break). Getting reinforcement — whether through a friend or seeing a lot of hearts on your calendar will keep you motivated.
- Live in the moment. When you are practicing your Me Time take a few minutes to really feel it. Close your eyes and put your imaginary remote control on “Pause.”
Feel everything around you. Stop and try to use each of your senses in what you are doing. Can you see yourself happier? Do your shoulders relax? Do you feel a little more refreshed? Do you hear the sounds around you? Do you smell the wonders of your environment? Do you feel re-energized so you can keep caring for everyone around you because you took a little Me Time? Sensory cataloguing is a great way to revisit your Me Time and re-wire your brain to crave that Me Time so it becomes essential to your well-being.
Now push “Play” on your imaginary remote control and let your Me Time Monday reality show begin!
To view the Me Time Monday videos, visit the Caregiving Club YouTube channel.
Note: This blog is adapted from A Cast of Caregivers – Celebrity Stories to Help You Prepare to Care by Sherri Snelling (Balboa Press, Feb 2013).
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About Blog Author Sherri Snelling
Sherri Snelling, CEO and founder of the Caregiving Club, is a nationally recognized expert on America’s 65 million family caregivers with special emphasis on how to help caregivers balance “self care” while caring for a loved one. She is the former chairman of the National Alliance for Caregiving and her book, A Cast of Caregivers – Celebrity Stories to Help You Prepare to Care will be published by Balboa Press, division of Hay House Publishing in February, 2013.
Note: This blog is adapted from A Cast of Caregivers – Celebrity Stories to Help You Prepare to Care by Sherri Snelling (Balboa Press, Feb 2013).
